Living in a tornado

I have to say that the last few years of my life have been nothing short of a whirlwind, and maybe even a tornado. I am quite sure that people look at me and wonder at times what it is that I am doing. I too, also, as well....whatever the grammar should be, have wondered many times where my life is really heading. The choices and decisions I have made, to some may seem very erratic, and without thought or process. The fact that I have made some extremely tough life altering decisions has in the end made me into a much more complacent and happy person. Although, there are many that just dont understand my decision to let go the one person in my life that was and always will be in my heart. Bonnie was and still is deep inside me and will always be my best friend. She understood me, she knew me, she was able to sense absolutely everything about me that sometimes I didnt even realize myself. Isnt that what a really good friend does?

Unfortunately, in the end, I realize we should have stayed friends and not have moved our relationship beyond that. I regret the fact that I lost the one person in my life that I truly feel was meant to always be my best friend. Bonnie, I love you. I always have and I always will. I truly hope you find happiness and contentment in your life and that you find it with someone that truly will do whatever it takes to ensure your happiness. You deserve it.

Now, with that said, the last year of my life, since my seperation has been amazing. I was able to find myself thru many therapy sessions on my motorcycle. I call this bike therapy and it truly does work. While on a solo ride to my good friends Pete and Jomomma Croot in Sandpoint Idaho, I was able to work thru so many things to finally let go of any regrets I may have had or did have in regards to my marriage. It was over and somewhere just before the Canadian border on the way home I started to weep uncontrollably. I pulled over and gathered myself so that I could see where I was going. At that point I felt cleansed of all of my thoughts and misgivings about what I had done. It truly was a turning point in my life.

I finally felt I could now move on and be free of any doubts or regrets. This was in late August and I had been living on my own for about 3 months. In late September I was introduced to a woman thru my BCAP poker league and her name was Karly. I was smittened by this woman almost immediately and we very quickly became friends. Without going into too much detail, Karly and I were never meant to be. We loved each others company but were not able to move the relationship to the next level. She always had a huge wall in front of her and wouldnt let me past it. I was ready, but to no avail, she wasnt. After 2 months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we went our seperate ways. This was at the end of November 2008, and I was bummed. As much as I wanted to progress to the next level with her, in retrospect, it was the best thing to happen to me and her.

I went about the rest of December getting ready for x-mas. Buying presents for my nieces and nephews, family and friends. It was a happy time for me as I was now experiencing x-mas for the first time in 20 years as a single person. This was so different than what I was used to, but as I was to find out, I had to now make all of the decisions. Wow, it is incredible how much a person gets used to having someone else in their life to help make decisions.

The day that will now forever be the start of the rest of my life was December 13, 2008. That is the day I met the woman that I truly was meant to be with. Leanne Robertson, as I knew her from our teenage years, came back into my life on December 13th. I ventured into the Canwest Liquor store to pick up some Bailey's for my mom and low and behold, standing at the taste booth was Leanne. My heart did a flip flop as I took in the vision of a woman who quite frankly has always had a place in my memories and heart. We had hooked up a couple of times in our early 20's and for some reason we never took it beyond that. Life had a different plan for us and we went our seperate ways. She moved to Calgary, got married, had 2 beautiful daughters and then moved back to Langford and had lived there for the last 17 years. The crazy part about it is that in all that time I never once ran into her until that December day.

So I walked around the aisle, came up behind her, tapped her on her shoulder and walked on by. As I looked back I noticed that she didnt feel my tap. Dammit!!!!, so like a giddy teenager, I went around the aisle again and did the same thing. This time she did notice and as she looked up to see who it was, I seen a glimmer and shine come over her face. The frown that was there a minute ago was no longer there. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and gave me an amazing hug. I honestly felt at that moment that we were the only two people in the store at the time. Everything stood still, and all I could see was her. Nothing else mattered as my heart was beating so loud that I couldnt hear the Salvation Army guy and his bells at the front door. We yakked for a few minutes and very reluctantly carried on. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I was bummed, elated, excited, exasperated that this woman who rocked my world so many years prior to this could do so again from just a hug.

Within a day I had found her on Facebook and proceeded to get in touch with her. I couldnt stop thinking about her. I told my Sister in Law on x-mas eve that I had found the woman that I would spend the rest of my life with. I hadnt seen her since that day in the liquor store but I just knew that we were meant to be.

To make short of this long winded blog, Leanne and I are on our way to becoming one with each other. I have built a new house in Sooke, and we have just moved in her stuff. Leanne and I, are living together now. She is going to rent her condo, which by the way was right next door to Bonnie's. How fucked up is that?

Life is amazing but like my world......it is like living in a tornado. We are living life to the fullest and I know that things will slow down, but for now.....

all I have to say is "Buckle the Fuck up, we are going for a ride".