Thursday, June 25, 2009

Dreaming of becoming a Rounder

So, here I am at the keyboard and as always, I have a million things to say but not really sure what to say...how stupid is that. Now I know that many would be surprised to hear that I am at a loss for words but when it comes to putting it on paper it is hard to do at times.

Seeing as we are heading to Vegas tomorrow morning I will talk a little more about this place that, to be quite honest is a place that I could live in. I know it is super hot there, and dry and dusty but the allure of the big money is something I dream about a lot. In a perfect world I would live there 6 months a year and then live somewhere tropical for the other 6 months, maybe Mexico, Bahamas, Caribbean....somewhere warm and sunny. I do like living in Victoria, but as I get older I am drawn to warmer climates.

To earn a living in Vegas playing poker is a dream I have had for a few years now. I have been entrenched in the poker scene here in British Columbia for the last 6 years and I feel that I have made an impact here in Victoria in regards to the poker industry as a whole. With the numerous tournaments I have run, to the British Columbia Amateur Poker League I started, I feel that the poker community in Victoria is an exciting, vibrant and often entertaining one and to think that I may have had a hand in building this is wonderful. I have met so many interesting, fun, and friendly people through all of this and I feel very privileged to say that I have made many new friends. It is very hard to go anywhere in Victoria and not see someone I know. This is kinda cool as it is nice to have friends around.

I read a lot about poker, the life of a rounder (which means someone making a living in poker) is a tough one. Tough grind everyday, battling the ups and downs of the game. The constant ebb and flow of lady luck is one that not everyone can handle. To go one day earning thousands of dollars to maybe going a week of having losing sessions can be hard on one's confidence. Money management, or bankroll management as it is known is so important. If you have to rely on your winnings to survive then you need to be smart with it. A smart player can certainly enjoy a nice healthy income and lifestyle if managed correctly. With all of the deals, comps, and such that can be had in Vegas you can live pretty good in regards to food, and cost of living.

Maybe one day this can happen, but for now I trudge along in the 9 to 5 world moving towards my retirement. I am halfway there and with my poker business I have created a very nice situation of having some disposable income that has Leanne and I enjoying life immensely.

Aren't dreams fun? I do realize tho that I need to write them down to become a reality. I once read that a goal is only a dream that hasn't been written down on paper yet. Time to start analyzing things differently. If I expect change in my life then I have to start doing things differently.....if nothing changes....then nothing changes!!!!!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Soulmates we are...

Not sure what to write today, so I thought I would write a poem to the most beautiful person I know. Leanne this is for you....

When I think of you, I dream about our time we spend together
I think of the two of us, our souls entwined, our love is bound by a tether

soulmates we are, friends we will be, lovers for sure, intense and so real
two hearts as one, I love you...it is what I feel

we have found a connection, it was always there we just needed to find our way
the road to our future, is twisty and windy, where it ends up I cant say

But I do know, that my direction in life has never been more true
it is all because, I now have you

I love you Leanne

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Vegas, old and new

So I am getting pretty pumped up about this coming up weekend. We are heading to Vegas on Friday and as always, I am having trouble sleeping before we leave. This really sucks for me as I don't really ever get a lot of sleep while in Vegas. Staying up super late, and then getting up early so as I don't miss anything. I think that is the way of most people when they hit Vegas, but maybe it is that old urban myth about them pumping oxygen into the air to keep you more awake. Not sure if I believe that or not, but it does seem odd that when I am there I have a tendency to get by on very little sleep.

The major problem is that once I get back from Vegas I need another holiday to get back all the lost sleep, but I know...poor Rob. Having to go to Vegas and party, gamble, see shows.....I know you all feel sorry for me.

So we are driving to Bellingham and flying out Friday afternoon on Allegiant Air. Allegiant is a budget, no frills airline that offers amazing deals at times. At times you can get a flight to Vegas for $28, but you have to add in taxes, seat priority, and baggage. Great little airline and so far we have always been lucky to have good flights and such. Our trip down should be a blast for Leanne and I, and seeing as it is an all day affair it should only add to the anticipation.

Arriving in Vegas around 7:00 pm, we will be well on our way to getting checked in and having drinks, I hope no later than 9:00....woohoo!!!!

I plan on playing poker down there. I know this is hard to imagine but yes, I am a poker nut. Leanne is just learning the game by playing in the BCAP league and is doing pretty good for a newbie. I will get her to play in a couple of tournaments down there to break her Vegas poker cherry....hmmmm, that sounds sordid...hehehe. We are staying at the Monte Carlo on the strip and is my first time staying there and for the most part I have heard ok things about it. Good location, decent pool with a river run, and a poker room. Stores are close by and with all the construction nearby there is new stuff to see and do. This should be fun for sure. Included in our trip package is 2 tickets to the Cirque de Soleil show "KA". I have been to a couple of Cirque shows and I enjoy them immensely, so I was tickled when they were included in the package. I didn't find out till later that we could have gone and seen Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood playing in Vegas but it would have been a couple of hundred bucks. Oh well, Slow hand will have to wait till we are ready to see him.

Leanne is not much of a gambler so being in Vegas with her will be a new experience for me. I have no problem doing other things than just playing poker and the one thing I have never done is hung out by the pool in Vegas. I imagine I will float around in the river run with her which should be relaxing for sure. Have some drinks, hit the pool, have some more drinks....etc...you know the routine.

Their is such an allure for me to Vegas. I am infatuated with the history, and aura that old Vegas puts out there. I love reading stories, books, watching movies etc. about the days of Vegas when it was just starting out and the things that happened to shape Vegas to what it is now. There is such a sordid, let loose, let anything happen feel to Vegas that it truly is Sin City. Anything goes, and it usually does. There are so many things to do in Vegas that even tho you may not be a gambler you can still never do everything that it has to offer. From shopping to sports, from sightseeing to people watching, there really is no end to what one can do there. Old Vegas or Freemont Street as people know it now, is the epitome of what Vegas once was. So many of the old movies set in Vegas you will see the traffic, people, and casinos of that area. The Golden Nugget, the Four Queens, and Binion's....to name just a few have such a history from the very start, that the nostalgia is there and for the taking.

I am stoked, and so looking forward to this trip.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Is she a witch???

I was trying to figure out what to write today and my mind started to drift away to a place that I often go to when faced with long boring days... I started to think of the last 6 months of my life and how amazing my journey has been. The moment that Leanne came into my world I found that a lot of my worries, concerns, and stresses seemed to not matter any more. How could it be that this woman, who I must say is and has for a very long time been smittened with me...Since elementary school, can make such a change in my world? How could it be that the two of us are so perfectly matched in all aspects of our lives. From likes and dislikes to travel, to family, to our passion for riding, to just being together.

She makes loving her real easy. There is no struggle, no second thoughts, no resentments...just love. When I wake up I am thinking of her, when I go to sleep I am dreaming about her....I thought for sure that things would slow down, or that soon the honeymoon would be over but as I go about everyday, I find myself falling deeper and deeper under her spell. Is she a witch?...hmmm, I don't think so but she certainly wields some sort of magic.

I dont have to try and love Leanne. It just has happened to me. I know deep down that we were meant to be together. It amazes me that I have found the one person who in my mind was truly put on this earth to be with me and vice versa. We are so compatible, so in tune with each other and that even after all the years we missed out on, we still have a lifetime of love, desires, family, etc, to live thru.

She is my heart and soul, she is my every last breath. Leanne you are a mother, a daughter, a sister, a nurturer, a giver of life, a girlfriend, a friend, but most of all you are my world. You truly are my soulmate.

I love you

You make me smile, you make me quiver
you make me tingle, and often shiver

Anticipating long nights of passion and love
my heart soars, riding high. on the wings of a dove

your quirky grin, the sway of your hips
your sparkling eyes, the taste of your lips

you have my heart and you have my soul
you have my everything, my heart is full

I see our lives together, it looks pretty sweet
our time is now, our love cannot be beat

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Bike therapy and procrastination

Sometimes you just feel like nothing. Today, it seems like a nothing day. Perhaps watch some golf..."you know the US Open is on today", maybe I will play some poker online or maybe I will kick back and just watch a movie. The sad part about it is that I have so much to do here that I get overwhelmed and I find that I end up curling up in a fetal position in the corner and uttering some unknown language. I swear that if my head turns around on its own I will spill forth pea soup....hehe

Their is such a fine line between ensuring our sanity is in place. We need to get shit done but we also need down time. So today I vow to get some stuff done, get some down time and then at the end of the day, I will roar off on the bike, pick up my gorgeous girlfriend from work and hit the road. Bike therapy with a beautiful babe on the back is my calling for the day.

We went to bed so early last night. In bed at 9:30 on a Saturday night. I was pretty beat from drinking with the boys all day and then a great BBQ'd Roast at Dan and Roxie's house. Leanne and I both were sawing logs pretty quickly. But alas, I awoke early and tossed and turned for a few hours till Leanne got up for work. Now I am groggy and not feeling rested. I think I will pour a coffee, and go watch some golf.

Happy Father's Day Dad. I love ya.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Remembering the important things

As I woke up today, I realized the moment I opened my eyes that today means far more to me than I imagined. Today is the day that a group of us gather (as we do every year) to remember a friend from our younger years that passed away on Valentines Day almost 2 decades ago. Tom Levy was a guy that had a smile for everyone. Never a bad thing to say about anyone, he was a really great guy. So our little group usually gets together close to Valentine's day and plays a round of golf in Tom's memory. Lots of fun, and usually by the end of the 9 holes we are all shittered and having a good ole time.

Tom....here's to you my friend. I know you can see us, so keep an eye on my golf ball for me...lol.

This weekend also is a time to remember and glorify one of our parental units...aka...Dad. So often we go about our lives, just doing the things that it takes to survive and make a life for ourselves. What we don't remember is the important things. Family is something that we all take for granted and we don't always take the time to ensure that the ones that are close to us know how we feel or that we care. We know we love our family, but how often do we take the time to call up dad, grandma, etc. and just say hi or I love you. It means so much to our parents and such and that little gesture goes so far to just ensuring and solidifying their love.

Dad, I love you man.....!!!! Happy Father's Day !!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Wasted energy and the bird.

It amazes me the amount of time we spend everyday just going about our lives and not taking a moment or two to really look around us and see the incredibly diverse cultures, lifestyles, personalities, and attitudes that make up our world. As I get older, wiser, more mature...hehehe, ok maybe not more mature but as I do age, I have found that I am becoming way more tolerant of the little things in life that not so long ago I certainly would have blown a gasket over, criticized or just wasted my energy on. I find, now that I have moved on from a very lengthy marriage, that life really is short and that if we can just focus on the positives in our world then everyone would be in a happier place. Sound sappy? Sound like I am looking thru those rose coloured glasses...hehehe, you bet.

Just this morning I am riding into work on my therapy machine and am coming up behind traffic that is waiting on a stop light in front of Denny's restaurant. On the side street waiting to turn out was a very large delivery truck. Normally I would always let someone in to turn as I used to drive a dumptruck and know how inconsiderate people can be, but when I am on my motorcycle I dont like to be behind these big trucks as I cant see what is going on in front of me, and to be honest I didnt see his turn signal. I truly dont think he had it on, but whatever. So as I pass him he lays on his horn and when I look in my mirror to see what he was honking at, I notice him flipping me the bird. All I did was smile, nod my head and carry on. Quite a few years ago I would have made a point of following this bozo, and gave him a piece of my mind and really for no other reason as to ridicule him, but this morning all I did was smile and nod. In my head I am thinking to myself, wow, what kind of day is this guy going to have now? He has himself so wound up about not getting to turn that he actually was rude to someone. Is that turn so important that he had to cloud his positive energy with negativity.

I guess what I am getting at is that for some reason this fellow felt that he had to express himself this way and I was dumbfounded as to why, but looking deeper into it, maybe this guy had a really bad morning. Maybe he had a sick child that kept him up all night and he was trying to work with only a couple hours sleep. Maybe he just got some bad news from somewhere. Whatever the reason, he did what he did and I couldn't control that. It doesnt matter what I thought at that time. Yes, I truly feel that he was being an ass, but I wasnt about to waste any of my positive energy on him.

I see and hear a lot of people everyday that only seem happy when they are complaining about something. I have the opportunity to be involved with a very large and diverse amount of people as I run the British Columbia Amateur Poker League. The fact that I can sit back and watch all of the members play, interact, and react to the various personalities and competition makes for a very intersting evening. Because I have created a competitive league I have had to cater to that side of the member's personalities. If you are at all familiar with the game of poker then you will know that apart from the competitive side it is an excellent way to expand yourself socially. Eight people sitting at a table from all walks of life forced to interact together in an environment that normally they would have never had to be in. I know that people dont think this way but if they took a moment to really look at the opportunity to expand themselves by networking, talking, or just getting to know everyone that they would then be able to build on themselves and possibly find ways to better their lives. What I find tho, is that a lot of people really expand way too much energy complaining about all of the things in their lives that are so negative.

Why can't people look at the good things that are happening? Wouldn't the people around you suddenly start taking on your energy as well? If you surround yourself with positive thinking then all of a sudden you start to manifest positive things. Does this thinking create positive things to happen...hmmm, possibly, but really I think it is more that positive things are just noticed more and we can then feed on them when they do happen. It takes way more energy to complain about something, and honestly nobody wants to hear it anyway. If I hear someone constantly bitching, complaining about their lives I find that I do not want to be near them. It drains me. This doesn't mean that I dont want to lend a shoulder or be sympathetic, but more that it gets tiring when every second sentence is a complaint about something or someone. So I guess in a roundabout way being positive does create a positive aura. People want to be near you, they want to try and steal some of that positive outlook and vibe.

So the next time you find yourself complaining to someone about trivial things, maybe stop for a second, change your thought process and find something to say that brings a different energy to the table. It isnt hard to do, but it certainly takes some thinking.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Adjustments and smiles

Well the time has come in my relationship with Leanne, that we have decided for her to move in completely. Her condo, which in reality was not lived in for the last 3 months is now empty. We rented a truck on the weekend and moved in all of her furniture and bigger stuff. I am a hundred percent sure of our relationship and I am tickled that she wants to be a part of my life and for us to start building memories together. I love that saying..."Building Memories". Everytime we do something, go somewhere, or just experience something new we are building memories. Each new day brings new memories and things we can talk about, learn about, and build on.

The amazing thing that Leanne and I are starting to learn about each other is that we are able to talk to each other without judgement or fear of retribution. That doesn't mean we always will agree with each other, but more that we listen to each other and communicate. I know that Leanne never had that luxury in her marriage and she is just now beginning to see the benefits of open communication. For me, I was always trying to protect my ex so a lot of times I wouldnt even mention things. Kinda silly and in the long run very detrimental to a relationship.

We have been together now for almost 6 months and I realize that this isnt really a long time but the very cool thing is that we have yet to have an argument, disagreement or any upsetting moments. We have been able to seperate the important issues, talk about them, keep them open and work it out together. I guess that is what love is. Being open, honest, respectful so with that comes such a deep understanding and love for each other. I love loving Leanne. She makes it so easy to be me. I lived my life for so long trying to be someone I wasnt that when I did try and be myself, Bonnie would panic because she thought something was wrong. I would then stop what I was doing and then feel resentful and shutdown myself. This was not Bonnie's fault and I am not blaming her one bit. It was something in me that I felt I had to do. With Leanne I dont need to do that. I can be myself and she loves me for that.....how freaking cool is that?

I am looking forward to a life with Leanne, building the memories and love that time together does put forth. She makes me smile. I stare at her all the time, watching her, drinking in her beauty, capturing the little things in her face that make me all tingly. She has an amazing little quirky grin that melts my heart everytime I see it. Even now as I write this, I find myself getting butterflies just thinking about it. Next time you are around her, see if you notice this little smirk. It is so damn cute.

As we go about our daily routine, I do find that I have to make adjustments. Not life altering adjustments but the typical, "hey, I have someone else in my life" type of adjusments. No more do I have the ability to just do whatever I want. I have to be aware of someone else and thier needs and wants. This is the adjustment that I am faced with. I love it tho, as I find myself just doing the things I need to do without actually even thinking about them. Leanne enables me to just be myself and with that comes such an ease of life that it makes you yearn to do more and more.

Thank you Leanne for just being yourself... !!! I love you !!!

This is my fire.....a poem by Rob

so much laughter, so many smiles
reminds me of my childhood, a road of many miles

we look back on our lives and we think of the time
we cry, we laugh, we smile, maybe write a rhyme

for when we think of those days, not really that long ago
you have to smile, for now, we have made it so.

two hearts beating together, blood flowing strong
my desires and needs, all together, it wont be long

I need to feel your arms, and your lips next to mine
as we learn about each other, maybe over a glass of wine

soon we will get a chance, a chance to learn
I want you, I need you, you make me yearn

time will tell, it will show you my desire
burning deep and hot, this is my fire...

Until next time....

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Living in a tornado

I have to say that the last few years of my life have been nothing short of a whirlwind, and maybe even a tornado. I am quite sure that people look at me and wonder at times what it is that I am doing. I too, also, as well....whatever the grammar should be, have wondered many times where my life is really heading. The choices and decisions I have made, to some may seem very erratic, and without thought or process. The fact that I have made some extremely tough life altering decisions has in the end made me into a much more complacent and happy person. Although, there are many that just dont understand my decision to let go the one person in my life that was and always will be in my heart. Bonnie was and still is deep inside me and will always be my best friend. She understood me, she knew me, she was able to sense absolutely everything about me that sometimes I didnt even realize myself. Isnt that what a really good friend does?

Unfortunately, in the end, I realize we should have stayed friends and not have moved our relationship beyond that. I regret the fact that I lost the one person in my life that I truly feel was meant to always be my best friend. Bonnie, I love you. I always have and I always will. I truly hope you find happiness and contentment in your life and that you find it with someone that truly will do whatever it takes to ensure your happiness. You deserve it.

Now, with that said, the last year of my life, since my seperation has been amazing. I was able to find myself thru many therapy sessions on my motorcycle. I call this bike therapy and it truly does work. While on a solo ride to my good friends Pete and Jomomma Croot in Sandpoint Idaho, I was able to work thru so many things to finally let go of any regrets I may have had or did have in regards to my marriage. It was over and somewhere just before the Canadian border on the way home I started to weep uncontrollably. I pulled over and gathered myself so that I could see where I was going. At that point I felt cleansed of all of my thoughts and misgivings about what I had done. It truly was a turning point in my life.

I finally felt I could now move on and be free of any doubts or regrets. This was in late August and I had been living on my own for about 3 months. In late September I was introduced to a woman thru my BCAP poker league and her name was Karly. I was smittened by this woman almost immediately and we very quickly became friends. Without going into too much detail, Karly and I were never meant to be. We loved each others company but were not able to move the relationship to the next level. She always had a huge wall in front of her and wouldnt let me past it. I was ready, but to no avail, she wasnt. After 2 months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we went our seperate ways. This was at the end of November 2008, and I was bummed. As much as I wanted to progress to the next level with her, in retrospect, it was the best thing to happen to me and her.

I went about the rest of December getting ready for x-mas. Buying presents for my nieces and nephews, family and friends. It was a happy time for me as I was now experiencing x-mas for the first time in 20 years as a single person. This was so different than what I was used to, but as I was to find out, I had to now make all of the decisions. Wow, it is incredible how much a person gets used to having someone else in their life to help make decisions.

The day that will now forever be the start of the rest of my life was December 13, 2008. That is the day I met the woman that I truly was meant to be with. Leanne Robertson, as I knew her from our teenage years, came back into my life on December 13th. I ventured into the Canwest Liquor store to pick up some Bailey's for my mom and low and behold, standing at the taste booth was Leanne. My heart did a flip flop as I took in the vision of a woman who quite frankly has always had a place in my memories and heart. We had hooked up a couple of times in our early 20's and for some reason we never took it beyond that. Life had a different plan for us and we went our seperate ways. She moved to Calgary, got married, had 2 beautiful daughters and then moved back to Langford and had lived there for the last 17 years. The crazy part about it is that in all that time I never once ran into her until that December day.

So I walked around the aisle, came up behind her, tapped her on her shoulder and walked on by. As I looked back I noticed that she didnt feel my tap. Dammit!!!!, so like a giddy teenager, I went around the aisle again and did the same thing. This time she did notice and as she looked up to see who it was, I seen a glimmer and shine come over her face. The frown that was there a minute ago was no longer there. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and gave me an amazing hug. I honestly felt at that moment that we were the only two people in the store at the time. Everything stood still, and all I could see was her. Nothing else mattered as my heart was beating so loud that I couldnt hear the Salvation Army guy and his bells at the front door. We yakked for a few minutes and very reluctantly carried on. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I was bummed, elated, excited, exasperated that this woman who rocked my world so many years prior to this could do so again from just a hug.

Within a day I had found her on Facebook and proceeded to get in touch with her. I couldnt stop thinking about her. I told my Sister in Law on x-mas eve that I had found the woman that I would spend the rest of my life with. I hadnt seen her since that day in the liquor store but I just knew that we were meant to be.

To make short of this long winded blog, Leanne and I are on our way to becoming one with each other. I have built a new house in Sooke, and we have just moved in her stuff. Leanne and I, are living together now. She is going to rent her condo, which by the way was right next door to Bonnie's. How fucked up is that?

Life is amazing but like my world......it is like living in a tornado. We are living life to the fullest and I know that things will slow down, but for now.....

all I have to say is "Buckle the Fuck up, we are going for a ride".